The last post of the year

On January the 7th I celebrate my 10th anniversary at Atea. I came to be a consultant after 6 years working internal IT at the local university, and let’s just say consulting was a bit of a… change in pace. At the university I was responsible for everything that was spelled Oracle or SQL Server (and quite a lot of server/SAN/Windows and UNIX/Linux stuff as well), handling everything from day-to-day with backups, performance tuning and troubleshooting, to architecture, design and implementation of new systems and solutions.

Anyone who’s ever spent some time at a university can attest to the place being somewhat of a “gated community” when it comes to how things work, and while I had a lot of responsibility, in many respects way more than I ever could have had out in the industry at that level of proficiency, it was still the university.

Then I became a consultant, thinking how hard can it be? Answer: very. I suddenly was thrust into situations where I didn’t have all the answers due to the fact that I hadn’t designed and built the platform I was working on at any given time. I constantly felt like being a fraud (hello imposter syndrome!) and was just waiting for someone to expose me and throw me to the curb. I went into overdrive and have thus spent the last 10 years cramming an enormous amount of knowledge into my tiny brain.

I spend a lot of my free(?) time testing, experimenting, reading and toying with tech in general and data related stuff in particular. I’ve made my phone and my computer extensions of myself, always having them within easy reach. In many ways it is easier to use my computer or my phone than to just ask someone. My body was at home but my brain was off doing things related to work.

I’ve spent a large part of my life running just to keep up and having a feeling of inadequacy if I didn’t learn everything in sight. I want to be able to take on the likes of Bob Ward, Reza Rad, Adam Saxton or Brent Ozar AT THEIR GAME – without having neither the experience, resources or clients they do. They’re only human and hence it is doable (the jury’s still out if Bob IS human, but that’s another story) I probably could be as good as any of the aforementioned gentlemen – if I decided to focus on one specific thing and spent the next 15 years doing exactly that.

To stay on top of my workload I have to spend hours and hours outside work just to keep up. “Have to” is not entirely correct as everything I do is done by my own free will.
I talk to a lot of people, read a gazillion blogs and in general interact way more with people on the internet than I do with people physically around me. Don’t get me wrong – I find this to be both fascinating and fun, otherwise I wouldn’t do it. The best thing I know is to go to a conference and meet my #SQLFamily.

But something has been nagging me. Right at the corner of my awareness, the feeling that “something” is not quite right in my life. The other day I came across a youtube clip from an interview with a guy that laid out the problems with the millenials (people born 1984 and later). Even though I’m not technically a millenial, one thing he said resonated with me – he said that a lot of people are addicted to technology and social media in a way that resembles alcohol.

This felt a bit like a mental smack in the face. I’ve been pestering my wife to use her phone more, use more chat apps so I can reach her, sync her email and calendars, etc (she flat out refuses). And I think I did that for the wrong reasons. I realized she’s doing it right and I’m doing it wrong. I spend a lot of time looking at my phone, fiddling with my phone, looking up (irrelevant) stuff on the internet and chatting with other people. In short – I was doing everything but being here, in the present.

This year has been a tumultous one for me and my wife. We’ve lost two cats, our dearest friends of almost 15 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, dealing with medical issues and misfortunes. However, we’ve also decided to get two new cats (goodbye sleep!) and make some serious changes in our lives for next year.

Thus we come to the conclusion and the point I want to make in this blog post.

Starting with my 11th year at Atea I will strive to be bored again. I will make sure it becomes a year where I have the time to read a science fiction novel, where I can just take long walks or just stare into a wall. The phone will be lying somewhere in the apartment so it can be reached if I need to make a call or if someone texts me. I’m going to break my dependence on always knowing what people are doing and I will be spending way more time being here, in the present.

I will spend more time teaching and presenting in 2017 than I’ve ever done and I will be spending more time helping colleagues develop their skills. Next year will be more about helping others, but not by working myself into the wall due to constantly being plugged in to the rest of the universe. I will not be trying to emulate Bob, Reza, Adam or Brent. That’s simply not for me at this stage of my life. I have an enormous respect and appreciation for everything they do, and while I’m envious of them having the drive they do, I’ve come to realize it’s not for me.

My blog probably won’t be seeing monthly updates (when has it ever?) but I have a small project in the works that might suit me better.
Next year, I will be helping others by helping myself. That way everybody wins.

Have a great New Year’s eve, and I’ll catch you on the flipside.

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